Thursday, April 24, 2014

Trouble Parents, Troubled Children

The six year old ran out of her parent’s room and hid behind the refrigerator so she could save herself from the view of her parents fighting. The scene was very disturbing; I could feel a heavy thud inside me. I walked to her, she looked at me with lost look, I bent down, smiled and held her hand and said: “Come on sweet heart, let’s go out and enjoy the party.”

Children who grow up watching their fight have an effect on their brain development. Medical reports also claim that even when a child is asleep it can absorb the negativity of people arguing and fighting. These effects are usually long lasting and can alter the way how the child looks up to matters in life.
Fighting parents end up giving an impression of fragile relationship and the child’s sense of security can be damaged. The child my doubt his parent’s abilities whether they’ll be able to take care of their child when they can’t seem to control themselves. In result the child will develop fear and anxiety as he will always be in doubt that there is no one to stand up for him.
In addition to this, fights and arguments between parents lead to guilt, shame and self-hatred as the child is unsure of the reason of arguments and may end up cursing himself for the fights. The child lets his imagination fill up the empty spaces.  In addition to that children also learn to respond the same way like his parents, in times of troubles the child may start throwing things or starts shouting because that’s how his parents deal with problems. Or the child may become extremely repressive with his feelings and end up getting hurt by loved ones.
No relations exist without conflicts but how to put an end to the conflict is what really matters. Parents should also learn how to deal with conflicts effectively. Parents who can control their heated behaviors and resolve the problem set healthy example for their children. Fighting the right way is what most of the parents need to learn.
Parents must understand that if they disagree on something than they should work it out instead of silent treatments as this creates more tension. If silence is followed the child himself fills the empty spaces, which can be more dangerous for his brain development. So parents should always let out their anger but in a civilized way.
Also learn to fight fair; parents must analyze what lead to the conflict, whose fault it was instead of blaming one another. Also they should avoid using foul words, display appropriate behavior and avoid using hands while arguing.
Having no conflicts and disagreements is not an option in life but parents need to teach their child through everything. If parents end their conflicts reasonably it can teach their children some worthy lessons too, most important being that even with disagreements and conflicts one can live together. Disagreements don’t mean ending the relations and the child grows up to that instead of taking wrong meanings out of conflicts.

In the era when freedom of choice and freedom of speech prevails, disagreements have become an integral part but working things out effectively is what everyone must learn, specially parents as they have responsibility towards their children too and to assure healthy development of the children, fighting the right way should be the main goal.


  1. Fizza. You wrote about a very important topic. A lot of parents fight and argue and do stuff like that which ultimately leads the child to be full of conflicts and stress. I agreed with every single word you said. Fights and disagreements are inevitable but there should be a proper and civilized way to vent out your frustrations when you are a parent. I have seen a lot of children who are a victim of all this stuff, some in my family and some when I worked as a teacher. Very well written. :)

    1. Thankyou Rida. I hope not only parents but everyone comes down to civilized way of dealing with arguments.

  2. I think it's not just about arguments. Parenting is a very tough and critical thing and people should ask themselves if they are ready for the responsibility of bringing a human into this world.

    Most people who are termed by society as psycho or criminals have a damaged past and parenting leaves its mark on a child forever. Good and bad both.