The six year old ran out of her parent’s room and hid behind
the refrigerator so she could save herself from the view of her parents
fighting. The scene was very disturbing; I could feel a heavy thud inside me. I
walked to her, she looked at me with lost look, I bent down, smiled and held
her hand and said: “Come on sweet heart, let’s go out and enjoy the party.”
Children who grow up watching their fight have an effect on
their brain development. Medical reports also claim that even when a child is
asleep it can absorb the negativity of people arguing and fighting. These
effects are usually long lasting and can alter the way how the child looks up
to matters in life.
Fighting parents end up giving an impression of fragile
relationship and the child’s sense of security can be damaged. The child my
doubt his parent’s abilities whether they’ll be able to take care of their
child when they can’t seem to control themselves. In result the child will
develop fear and anxiety as he will always be in doubt that there is no one to
stand up for him.
In addition to this, fights and arguments between parents
lead to guilt, shame and self-hatred as the child is unsure of the reason of
arguments and may end up cursing himself for the fights. The child lets his
imagination fill up the empty spaces. In
addition to that children also learn to respond the same way like his parents,
in times of troubles the child may start throwing things or starts shouting
because that’s how his parents deal with problems. Or the child may become
extremely repressive with his feelings and end up getting hurt by loved ones.
No relations exist without conflicts but how to put an end
to the conflict is what really matters. Parents should also learn how to deal
with conflicts effectively. Parents who can control their heated behaviors and
resolve the problem set healthy example for their children. Fighting the right
way is what most of the parents need to learn.
Parents must understand that if they disagree on something
than they should work it out instead of silent treatments as this creates more
tension. If silence is followed the child himself fills the empty spaces, which
can be more dangerous for his brain development. So parents should always let
out their anger but in a civilized way.
Also learn to fight fair; parents must analyze what lead to
the conflict, whose fault it was instead of blaming one another. Also they
should avoid using foul words, display appropriate behavior and avoid using
hands while arguing.
Having no conflicts and disagreements is not an option in
life but parents need to teach their child through everything. If parents end
their conflicts reasonably it can teach their children some worthy lessons too,
most important being that even with disagreements and conflicts one can live
together. Disagreements don’t mean ending the relations and the child grows up
to that instead of taking wrong meanings out of conflicts.
In the era when freedom of choice and freedom of speech
prevails, disagreements have become an integral part but working things out
effectively is what everyone must learn, specially parents as they have
responsibility towards their children too and to assure healthy development of
the children, fighting the right way should be the main goal.
