Saturday, June 25, 2016

Fighting the Inner Good and Bad

She had always been in love with dawn and midnight, where she could listen to the peaceful silence of mind under the starry night and feel a quiet conscience erupting with the chirping of birds, as the sunrise painted the sky to pink. How weird it was to love the extremes, the absolute opposites. Both these times had one thing in common; peace and serenity. She had always loved peace. The tranquility and silent subtleness enabled her to enjoy many things which were shunned during the bustle of the day. She could think, rationalize and put herself to peace in stillness of these times.

She thought about herself, about people who were in her life whether by force or by fate. She also thought about the achievements and the failures, the lessons and the moments and what not. But most importantly, she thought about circumstances life taught her and made who she was today.

She reflected upon the good and the bad people. According to her, worst kind of people were who wore a mask, hypocrites. But then again aren’t we all hypocrites? We hide our happiness, our sadness, our goodness, our evilness and our jealousies. It was clear to her that worst kinds of people were those who hid their devilish face behind the beautiful mask.

There are people who broke hearts, use people for their interests but everyone does that these days. Things have been confusing for her. Who are the bad people? Being good requires no efforts, but being bad, being hurtful is an all time job. How can one think about lies to keep up with previous lies? Does it not consume one to have hatred, dirt for the other person in the heart? Isn't such heart heavily filled with the burden of uneasiness and anxiety? How much it requires using the other person? How many times one just has to be sugar coated to get the work done.

Isn't this all tiring? How much discomfort is it to sleep with such a burdened soul?

She hasn't forgotten the moments when she had asked for strength and more power in Sujood, asking Allah to make her strong. Don't we all do that? Ask for more strength, more sturdy nerves, but how will we ever achieve toughness if we are not tested? No matter how much people had hurt her, she had been thankful to them for making her much stronger than ever before. Sometimes such people are test from Allah and sometimes stupidity of our own. We become so blind we can't see the hole that has been dug for us. 

Quran states in Surah Baqarah, "Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear" But, oh our humanly ego won't get satisfaction until and unless we don't over burden ourselves. Only God knows why we want to prove ourselves superior to others? Why can't we focus on ourselves? When our own raised burdens tear us down, we end up hating ourselves, people and everything attached in-between. 

This ayah is comforting because she knows deep in my heart that although the sadness is cumbersome, it will not be overwhelming; that although the times might be tough, she is tougher; and that whatever comes her way will go away.

Hate is evil; it consumes the whole of you. Just like being abominable, hate also requires too much enmity and too much destruction. The hostility and animosity will not only burn the one you hate but also your own-self first. She had learnt not to hate, with time. For her, there were people who either mattered or the ones who didn't. Some words meant a world to her and some didn't even matter.

She had become like this with the passage of time, she liked extremes. Either people were in her heart completely or they were out unconditionally.

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